The most amazing gift you can give yourself is truth. Truth to really see yourself and others; as you are and as they are... Align your mind, your heart and soul with the very things that bring you joy. You thrive when you are living in purpose. Your dream may not be where you are in the present moment, but this present moment; in the now is creating the outcome. Life isn't always peaches and cream but when you mix different seasons of life together you can create the most flavorful dish! Pull some spices off your spice rack and stir in the different ingredients for the zestful flavor that your taste buds crave. Stir to make the perfect mixture, texture and beautiful masterpiece. What started out as a bland dish now awakens all of your senses. When you add a little heat... the smell of all of the spices simmering together awakens your taste buds. Your eyes see the beauty in the newly created dish. Life has many ingredients and it is about finding the perfect flavors for your taste buds. What tastes good to you may not taste good to another. Does that mean your dish doesn't taste good; no it just means that everyone enjoys different flavors and spices!  When you create your masterpiece pour into it the flavors you enjoy and the right people will gather at your table! Much love from my heart to yours....

The absolute greatest gift you can give to yourself and humanity is pure love! Love thy neighbor and never compare yourself or life to another or you will rob yourself of your uniqueness! Be authentic and never in comparison because it ruins people.   It is the complete opposite of what you are trying to achieve in this life.  You were made just perfectly the way you are; to achieve what you were sent here on this earth for.... If you were meant to be someone else; you would have been. If you have people that envy you... bless them and shower them with an abundance of peace their way! Don't get caught up in someone else's dream or you would have been living their life... You weren't meant to live as someone else or you wouldn't be who you are! Embrace all the quirky and magnificent qualities you have in your possession! You possess all the right tools to fix all the screws that are loose. Tighten them up and pull yourself together and come back to your center point tighter than before.  Be glorious and no matter the hardships that come your way never wish your life away. Those hardships are what help you define what is and isn't important to and with you on your journey.  Bless the people whom have done you wrong. Just don't become like them. Not everyone is happy for you so they will try to pull you into their gloom... Be a smile for someone in despair so you send hope when they feel like no one cares.  Once you lose yourself...you lose your balance to help others in this life. much love from my heart to yours.....

The best part of the day is waking up with a smile on your face and moving through the motions of life... You smile back at all the good memories; as well as the bad. The day that you forgive yourself and others is the day you know that you are no longer bond by sadness. You get up and rejoice and know that you are here for a purpose. Your purpose may not be clear to you... just yet; but keep pushing and keep grinding. I truly believe that we have to heal the innermost painful moments in our lives to become free of the things that bind us. For the last six years I have undergone so many situations that tried to break my spirit. I know more challenges are to come but something is different today... I have sat with myself for the last couple of months and for the first time in years allowed myself to reflect, process and not hold back my tears. I allowed myself not to be strong and allowed myself to feel all those painful moments in time. My entire life has flashed before me; old wounds that I did not even know were present. The things that I pushed in the back of my mind... I allowed to come full surface. I was tired of the things holding me down in bondage. I have nothing to prove to anyone, nor do you! The only thing we have to prove to ourselves  is that we have made it through so much that many people would not even begin to understand... I understand that those are the things that have made me into the vibrant woman I am today and those are the very things that made you into who you are. All the challenges and adversities were meant to shape me into the woman that I am and to help other's process through their journeys. I am here on this planet for purpose to send love and light in the midst of other's darkness. I am an overcomer and challenges will continue to come into all of our lives. My hope for all... is to lean into your pain and not run from it because it will cause so much more damage in your life and others around you! If I could go back in time and change things I would but that is not possible. We have to sit with our mistakes and hold ourselves accountable for the bad and good decisions we've made in our lives. Forgive yourself and forgive others and stop fighting with madness. The world is not your friend! Love yourself and become your best friend and don't look for yourself in others. If you are lucky enough to find love that matches yours; treasure that beauty! That beauty must match yours... please be kind, loyal and pour out compassion unto the world.  Hug yourself today... sing a song... turn up the music and dance because today might be your last chance! Live in the present moment and don't worry about the past or about your future... Live for today and love you... forgive yourself and others because you don't want to die with that pain! Let forgiveness flow from your heart so you project peace  and joy! Your soul needs you to carry the space of light so you can illuminate and shine where ever you go! Heal all those wounded parts and learn from life's experiences so you may help someone else overcome... much love from my heart to yours....

​Jacob’s Ladder
The tormented mind an the tormented soul… what happened to the baby boy I used to hold
The demons of life and all your strife has taken over to a place of insanity
You reached out for help and kept telling everyone you were in distress
Your poor heart was pouring out and crying for death
Your mind was distorted by the man who gave you pain
You never looked at yourself ever again the same…
You cried out to me… Mom you don’t understand
“They come to me each night reminiscing in my dreams”
You cried out to God and said he was real
Yet the system didn’t help and deemed you mentally ill
Nobody to help and all turned away… you chose heroin then meth took your brain away
Psychosis, mace, strapped to a chair... while deep inside the demons were aware
They torture your soul… for those who don’t understand… you my son were taken over by the Chains of a life nobody will understand…
Everyone turned their backs and left you alone… you kept trying to hold onto to the only thing you had known…
Your safety blanket… covered your walls… scripture verses from the baseboards to the ceiling to protect you as the night would crawl
You told me you couldn’t sleep at night… Mom you don’t understand they are raging war …
I could always see it in your eyes… You were so scared to tell me why…
It went on for years and many tears… No matter what climb to heaven stairs…
I will never give up and will always pray for you mind… those demons I bind…
Jacob… your ladder will not fail you on God’s time…

This was a plea I made back in September 2016; for my son as follows;
Dear God I pray for a hedge of protection over Jacob  and any of you out there that are battling a drug addiction... addiction hurts the ones closest to you more than you will ever fathom... One drug turns into another, one heartbreak turns into another. One death turns into another... The people who love you the most lose their will to stop fighting for your life and safety... When you no longer give a damn... I tried with ever vessel of my being to protect. Nurture, love, advise, encourage and be there...but I lost my battle of being able to live with the demons, addiction has brought to my family... It is hard to go to work. It is hard to smile, it is hard to breathe when you love someone so much and you fought when they couldn't fight for themselves... I had to stop fighting because I am dying inside... I pray you all find your way and get the help you need...the hardest thing I ever had to go is let go... I don't know if Jacob is dead or alive or will see many more days ahead of him... Whatever happens to you Jacob... I tried and I love you with everything I have within... Fight for your life... Seek those who have over came and stay the hell away from the people who use drugs... They don't care one ounce about you... You have a family that loves you... You were never alone... I pray you make it... If you don't... I don't know if I ever will....

I remember the days all too well that a few of my friends said to me, " I don't know how you do it!" I heard this phrase over and over throughout my life.  This has been perplexing me for quite some time. As my life flshes before me now I see what everyone else had seen but not me. One day after I went in for surgery I had come home and my son was gone....My son ran off to California with a friend of his when he was sixteen years old and got addicted to Meth and Heroin.  I had the National Missing Children looking for him... I was sick beyond measure. I kept my son's phone on just in case he would call. I would send him messages and would beg and plead for him to come home. One night at 3 o'clock in the morning I got a call and it was him crying, begging and pleading for me to get him  out of there. He told me he was going to commit suicide or he would end up dead because of the people around him. He had ran out of a place where they had been drugging him and doing horrible things to him. My son had been violated over and over, exploited, was eating out of garbage cans and was not doing well. First thing I did was get him a greyhound ticket but my daughter intervened and had the police there to pick my son up. Two weeks later he was flown home.  The day I picked my son up from the airport he was so frail, pale and skinny... He was walking different and was not the same child I had once known. I got him into rehab and when he was there I found out some horrible things.  I remember when my son was in rehab and the counselor said to me there would be a day I wouldn't be able to get out of bed because of my son's addiction. I thought the lady was crazy because I had been through so much and had always been able to overcome so much in my life. She was right! My son took my vehicle in the middle of the night and totaled it, was stealing money from me and drug dealers were showing up at my house.... this went on for a year.... I had many sleepless night,  had to take off work and as you can imagine so many  things changed. A year later On his 18th birthday, I had to rush him to the hospital... where he was almost lifeless... I drug him out of my car screaming into the E.R. my son was having a heroin overdose. This became daily..This was our long road ahead... Day in and day out... I began to find needles, tied up belts attached to his head board, black tar and him nodding out for a couple of years! Then he started doing meth along with the heron. This was not something I was used to... I stayed away from people who did drugs and I didn't know how to help him.. I thought my love could save him but his addiction was destroying me daily and my relationship with my other children... they felt my son was always before them... I had nobody to help... His father was doing drugs with him so my son had no guidance other than me. I would take him to church and try to get some spiritual lessons into him. The day I came home from work and he had written all over his walls... Begging God to save him and Jesus protect him.... He wouldn't leave the house. He became so scared of the outside world. He kept everything bottled up about what had happened to him and it overcame him. He would come and wake me up numerous hours of the night... He wanted to make sure I was still alive.  He couldn't sleep at night but he found comfort sleeping during the day because who could see or harm him during the day. I didn't know what was going on... You can only imagine what all transpired from there.... There was a night one of his people came into my home and jumped into my bed and all I could do was freeze. Two weeks later I sold my home, my son became homeless and I went from home to home... I couldn't bare his pain or the pain he was bringing into my home and my life. A couple months later my son was picked up because he was trying to get into a basement to get warm because it was snowing.... He ended up in the county jail for a year and  half.... then he has been in a mental institution for the last 3 years... I couldn't save my own son... I have lived with this pain and his... I have lived with his calls for the last five years of his mental anguish and it took and still takes a toll on me daily.... If you have a child struggling with addiction or mental health.... please take care of yourself... please seek the help you need... You didn't fail as a parent... the world has failed our children by allowing these things on the street.... The heartache of my son and his calls... dailly... breaks my heart everyday! I beat myself up over and over.... Do the best you can with the tools you have and remember sometimes love just isn't enough but can help them get through their struggles.... Here is to the heartbroken Mom's and Dad's out there... you did the best you could.... I know what it feels like to retrace every day of your child's life and wonder if I would have or wouldn't have done this.... would my child have turned out different... don't let guilt eat you alive or your life will not be lived.... always.... much love from my heart to yours....

The biggest challenges that we face in life are the very things that help us grow! You either lay down in defeat or rise and stand tall and get back on your feet. Things will come and go in your life... people, places and things... it is a circle that can either transform you or derail you... Transformation happens when you shed the things that no longer coincide with your values. You have to shed things, people and places that don't help you fly to your highest authenticity. No matter how much you value them, no matter how much potential you see.... if people aren't ready to rise to the occasion or things and places don't align with your integrity...Let them things go! Don't damage your destiny trying to save others. Or you  damage the very path of your existence that could rightfully be yours. A beautiful life awaits you if you put in the effort. The biggest advice that I have is that you must always pay attention and be aware of your surroundings. Don't go to people, places or things that don't truly align with your values. Not everyone in your life truly wants the best for you! I have learned the hard way and I want to spare you of the lessons. We can't turn back time but we surely don't have to run back to the past where we no longer belong. If I would have kept me feet facing forward I would have climbed the highest mountain but I went back to the little mole hills and sank underground. Rise and come back to the surface because a mountain awaits you and when you get to the top it is the most amazing view. When you see how far you have climbed; you will look down thousands of feet; you realize how many steps it took.. one step at a time with every breath you inhaled... you can accomplish anything!  You must keep moving forward and upright... Rise up and do not fall back down from the mountain and if you do; get back up immediately because your narrow trail awaits you.... the trails of beauty.... It is much more than you could have ever imagined... keep going and don't give up or you will end up back where you started! much love from my heart to yours...

The tribute is to the ones who have lived with suicide and to the ones we have lost along our lives due to suicide. Where do I begin and what can I say? What is it that I wish I would have said differently that could have made you stay? I know your pain all too real in a life of uncertainty and the pain you feel.  I replay the conversations that I had with my brother's over and over again, I get flashes of their faces, hear the conversations over and over again. I was the last person they reached out to. The day I drove away from my baby brother; I knew it would be the last time I was going to see him... I didn't want to believe it... I remember praying and talking to the Angels I remember that day so clearly. He called me that morning and begged me to pick him up. He was telling me that I just wasn't being a good sister and didn't want him to be able to live like a man.  He kept saying to me is that he wanted to feel like a man again. My little brother was shot and became paralyzed April 6. 2019 and was in a wheelchair.  He hated being in that chair and I tried to encourage him all the time. It broke my heart seeing him like that.... big sis couldn't save him from his wounds like I always had done... He was humiliated that his body couldn't function right.  I finally agreed to pick him up... He was crying and I started yelling at him saying fine.... I will come get you... On our long drive.... we talked and I told him he was always like my son and if anything ever happened to him it would break my soul. I held his hand and cried about everything... from the time he was a baby until that present moment... I took him to his truck at his mother's house and his mother's friend told me to leave.... I left and I can still see my brother looking back at me... He tried to call me but I didn't return his call until 5 hours later. I couldn't reach him for a couple of days... December 31,2020 I got a call that my brother was unresponsive and had passed away. When I went to where he was... he was in his truck on the passenger side and I thought there was a cap over his face. When I moved closer to the car... I thought the cap fell off his face.... I was screaming to the police officer. " He's alive . he's alive , the cap just fell and he's trying to tell me he's okay" the police officer told me "maam, there was never a hat over your brother's face" I started puking and screaming... My baby brother, whom was like my son.... was sitting in his truck, pants down and he was lifeless... The guilt that I have felt for taking him to his truck will never leave my soul... The guilt of me not having my own home to take care of him will forever be my sadness.... Then my elder brother Lonny called me May 13, 2021 and sent me messages that he needed to come stay with me and be around his real family and the most positive person he knew. I called him and he sounded very sad.... His life was falling apart around him, He and his eldest daughter had been fighting, his wife left with the 3 children and all he wanted to do was come down to see me. I had to tell him that I didn't have my own home and I don't know what is happening in my own life and my relationship. I  was on my way to Florida for a week. I asked Lonny if he had taken something and he told me no.... He just kept thanking me for all I had been in his life and he was sorry for being a burden to me. I kept reassuring him he was not a burden. We talked and talked and he just kept telling me how sorry he was... The next day my boyfriend and I were driving and all of the sudden a song came on the radio and I could feel the presence that something wasn't right... My boyfriend felt it too... Hair on both of our arms were standing up.... Then a crow fell out of the sky and unto the highway...I kept telling my boyfriend something is wrong... He knows how connected I am to people. A couple of days later I got a call from his wife and nobody could find him. I told her to look everywhere and she said she did and told her to file a missing persons report.... I already knew in my heart what he had done... I awoke to another call from a Police officer with a message. like that of my baby brother and I instantly started vomiting!  They had yet to find his body or him.... My boyfriend and I went to Ponce De Leon about 5 days later and I could smell a rotten body and I asked him if he could smell it? Nobody could smell it.... I told him they are going to find my brother around rotten water....I started getting sick and dizzy. He walked with me to the bathroom where I dry heaved and threw up.... A couple days later they smell was coming from the basement in my brother's apartment building; that is where they found my beloved brother... He had hung himself ten days prior; . My brother Lonny had hung himself May 14th 2021... the same day the crow fell from the sky.... My heart was breaking, my soul was in pain reliving our conversations. what I could I have done, what did I say? Was it my fault? Why did I have to be the last person they both talked to? I felt responsible! I could always give them both the right words what was different this time? My brothers weren't used to me breaking but they both knew I was going through so much and neither one of them wanted to be a burden in my life. What they don't realize is that I needed them! What they didn't realize is that the are what made me get through some of my worst days. What they don't understand Is that I loved them both so much and I wish they could of held on just a little longer.... I don't know why? I don't understand; then my daughter ended up in the Hospital In June of 21; Her heart rate was so low and she almost died... I thought I was going to lose my eldest baby girl! It was so hard watching her in the ICU and her heart rate going lower and lower.... When the nurses gave me my daughter's belongings in a plastic bag and her jewelry in a cup....all I could think of was this was going to be the last time I see my daughter alive and I am going to bury her.... I was losing every aspect of myself and not understanding what was happening around me? When she was in the hospital she would blurt out I just want to be with Cimarron and Lonny.... My heart fell to the ground.... Please if you know someone or if someone is hurting please just listen.... You don't know the battles people face within their minds... hearts and souls.... I have lost too many people in my life due to homicides and suicides.... It is so hard because I know their pain all too real but they would say to me... that I was the strong one! I didn't want to be the strong one... I retrace every thought, every word, every gesture and sit here continually wondering why I was able to save others from suicide but not my brother's? Please do not discount when someone is depressed or going through life altering  changes because you may be the last hope for another on their last day! We don't know what others are facing.... be nice, be kind, be loving and don't be cruel.... I can't change what is done but it doesn't mean that I don't live with the pain of the last conversations everyday. I flight when people say unkind words, yell or scream because I would rather leave not speaking vile words over another  or have them spoken over me.... words can destroy you.... I pray that I said the right words to my brother's and they are at peace now.... This pain will never leave me.... but I will not allow it to cripple me anymore.... You have to work through these emotions and have a support system or you will go off into the deep end.... Trauma changes you but love and kindness can help you overcome....Fly high my dear friend Teresa , Amie, baby brother Cimarron and Big Brother Lonny.... forever in my heart and I promise none of you were a burden....  All I can say is I'm sorry..... To Infinity and Beyond!

 My best advice for people who have gone through traumatic events in life is to surround yourself with good music, friends. books, adventure and move through every emotion that you are feeling. Do not mask yourself or hide from your hurt and pretend you are okay! Own it and Own you... your feelings are important and that is how you release the sadness that has been overcoming your senses to insanity. The insanity of not allowing yourself to just be, breathe and acknowledge you are hurt by life and the people who have hurt you. I never acknowledged the pain from my childhood or throughout my life. I bottled everything up and pretended that I was okay. Smiling, laughing and just being. The fact is I was not okay. Everyone knew me as their rock and the strongest person they knew... I had to be strong; it is all I ever knew.... I just wanted one person in my life to just be there for me for once and it always turned into me helping them. It tired my soul and took my light away and breath away...  taking on their pain on top of mine, depleted me.  The people in your life are supposed to help balance you out and bring out the best in you and remind you of the light you shine. I don't understand why others try to destroy people... something I will never understand. The majority of the people in your life are not there for you but only for a benefit for themselves. I can honestly say that there are very few people in my life that have ever truly had my best interest at heart. I have had friends tell me they were always jealous of me. What? Why? I was told because I light up rooms when I walk in, my personality and much more. Those things broke my heart.... these are the people that knew everything I had been through in my life and I couldn't wrap my head around it.... These people don't root for you... they secretly despise everything in you that they are not.... be careful of the friendships you develop in life. Seriously, not everyone is your friend... true light beings allow you to be you and you talk about beautiful things and your worst days. They never wish harm upon you and truly want to help you on your journey. They don't gossip about others or call just when something bad is happening in their life. I have been a genuine friend to all my friends and I can say only five  people in my circle have never intentionally tried to hurt me and if they did promptly apologized.  Two of my friends have left this journey because they were called home and three of them remain. I wish when I was going through everything I would have leaned unto those three and not upon the foes in my life. When you can be real, raw and transparent that is how you know that is your true tribe.  Lean unto those that have heart and soul... embrace all your flaws, your pain and overcome... Never sit in silence but be silent to those that don't really care about your well being.... you will know them by their words and actions... much love, light, hope and love from my heart to yours...

 Stress can take a toll on the heart, mind, body and soul.I had a traumatic childhood, as many of us have. I justified the things that happened to me throughout my life. I thought that all that happened to me to help others and I never acknowledged my life hurt tremendously To add icing to the cake my brother was shot a became paralyzed due to being shot by a family member, I took custody of his daughter,  I lost two of my dearest friends; soul sisters within 2 months of each other, my little brother 20 years younger than myself passed away 8 months later New Years Eve , 5 months later my older brother hung himself, a month later my daughter ended up in the hospital and my son that has been in the hospital for the last couple years calling me with his problems, taking care of my niece, my living situation, lack of work, my relationship problems for the last year finally took a toll on my overall well being. The one person that I thought was my person didn't care to give me support and he added to my suffering. I was always there trying to lift others while I was suffering in silence and sometimes screaming out.... What about me... You get so tired of hearing how strong of a person you are and you are others strength. I didn't understand what I did to deserve all of this pain. Having PSTD due to trauma after traumatic experiences will not be understood unless others have had same experiences. When one has suffered from physical, emotional, sexual and mental abuse you learn how to overcome throughout life. I never wallowed in self pity because I have made it through so much in my life. I was always so resilient; so I thought.  After, the last few years all the trauma caught up with my body. I started getting sick and I would vomit from the stress and having abdominal issues. Trembling in the presence of loud noises or people yelling at me. I began avoiding people, places and things that were constant reminders of the pain I had experienced. I began to isolate myself because all I desired was inner peace.... the peace I tried to bring upon others. All I wanted to do was escape the chaos from my life. I wanted to be around laughter, good souls, music and away from the daily stressors of life. I just wanted to dance and be free... I wanted to play and forget about all my misery. I would reach out to others just to hear a little laughter.  Listening to nature allowed peace to flow through my veins.  I slowly drifted away from my family and friends. I would be startled at certain tones people would express. I became numb to life. I hid it very well from most people. I never wanted to be a burden unto others. It is embarrassing when you can't really talk to people about good things happening in your life. You will run, hide and avoid places that remind you of good or bad memories. Your fight or flight responses will be heightened. You are just trying to breathe and you don't understand why horrible things keep happening in your life. You scream out what is so wrong with me. I would never wish my pain on my worst enemy. All I desired was to be loved for the authentic being I am and get the love that I poured out to others in some was sent back to me. I never lost my faith but I did drift from it and I lost my way... When I started having chest pains a few months ago I attributed it to anxiety. I have always had low blood pressure so I didn't think anything could truly be wrong with me. I would say to myself you are okay.  The night  the ambulance was called my heart was pounding and the rate was so high and the chest pains were so strong.... I had taken a couple of anxiety pills to try to reduce the pain in my chest... I thought I was having a panic attack and it wasn't going away. At the hospital they discovered my left atrial was enlarged and my lower right had blockage and my heart isn't ticking together right. Stress induced.... I was in the hospital for 5 days and they ended up putting me into the stress unit because all I could do was cry and told them I was losing hope. I hadn't been sleeping right for months, everything in my life was failing and I was losing myself while helping others. Please know that stress will finally catch up with you if you don't take care of yourself. Pour the love you pour into others into yourself. It is okay not to be okay and it is okay to reach out for help. Don't ever think that you have to do it alone.... Please get ahold of your life before your life gets ahold of you.... I never knew how to ask for help and my friends certainly did not know how to help.... because all the ever said. You are the strongest woman I know... I didn't want to be strong... I wanted to be weak for a moment in time... before it is too late.... don't let pain or trauma kill you... keep your heart ticking with Faith, Love, Light and Truth... I was working on my life coaching certification a year ago and all this stress kept piling up.... If I would have stayed on my purpose I know I wouldn't have ended up where I am today.... Stay on your purpose and pursuit.... do not allow others to take you away from yourself or you will lose your identity.Please pour love and light into yourself ... much love from my off beaten heart to you.... 

The only truth you will ever have is the truth you know about yourself. You will never truly know someone else but you will always know yourself. Stop sacrificing yourself for others or you will lose your identity. I always believed that in some essence if I poured out my love unto the heartbroken souls I could save them. I thought I could teach them how to overcome because I have overcome so much adversary in my own life. It just is not the case... while trying to help others love themselves it depletes you of the values and standards you once held for yourself. The value you always knew you had but gets caught up in sacrificing your strength hoping  others will overcome ... You can only help other people if they want to dive deep within themselves to uncover the deep rooted causes of their behaviors. You go back and try to heal their wounds and discover ones of your own that have never truly healed or they have inflicted new ones upon you. You will take on behaviors that you never had...To heal you must look every monster in the eye and explore how it has manifested itself within your life.  Live your life with integrity and don't get lost in the lives of others... their poor values may misguide your life and your destination may change and your path is changed forever. I know if I would have stayed on my purposed path; my road would have lead me down a beautiful path and not a rocky road...but  Be true to you.... because that is all the truth you will ever truly know.... 

To be the master of your life; You have to seek earnestly within. You must go deep into the shallow and hollow places that have been a void. The void that you have felt through life can be filled with gratitude. Accept yourself and your life circumstances, as they are. You have to be willing to dive into all the those places that have caused you pain. You have a choice to overcome all those moments in time that you had no control over. I know I didn't choose to have the childhood or  the life I did.  There are many circumstance that are out of our control but there are also ones that we can control. We can't change it so why sit and wallow in those times of despair? You need to explore your emotions and to know whether or not they are feelings or reality. What you know about yourself is your truth.  You have to be your authentic being... When you dive into your wreckless patterns you will see that they stem from a place of imbalance within yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself; especially when you hear the words that were spoken over you by someone else of a negative connatone . When people aren't happy with themselves they will try to encompass your worth through the worth they feel about themselves. We all do the best with the tools we have but it isn't an excuse to not live authentically for your values.  Love all the messed up aspects of yourself and life and that is where you can really identify with who, what and the why's of your life. When you begin to explore and purge all of the unnecessary parts of yourself that don't match up to your core; you will find balance within. Don't go looking for yourself in a world that doesn't exist within you! Create your world according to your vision... not through the magnifying glass of others. Others will magnify who they are and your life will become blurred.... Blurry vision makes it hard for us to see. Pick up your new glasses  that fit your off vision and get your 20/20 back. Stop lending your glasses to others or wearing another's glasses because you will never see the landscape before your eyes... much love from my heart to yours....

He who has ears, let him hear.”
Rev 8
And when he had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour.
2 And I saw the seven angels which stood before God; and to them were given seven trumpets.
3 And another angel came and stood at the altar, having a golden censer; and there was given unto him much incense, that he should offer it with the prayers of all saints upon the golden altar which was before the throne.
4 And the smoke of the incense, which came with the prayers of the saints, ascended up before God out of the angel's hand.
5 And the angel took the censer, and filled it with fire of the altar, and cast it into the earth: and there were voices, and thunderings, and lightnings, and an earthquake.
6 And the seven angels which had the seven trumpets prepared themselves to sound.
7 The first angel sounded, and there followed hail and fire mingled with blood, and they were cast upon the earth: and the third part of trees was burnt up, and all green grass was burnt up.
8 And the second angel sounded, and as it were a great mountain burning with fire was cast into the sea: and the third part of the sea became blood;
9 And the third part of the creatures which were in the sea, and had life, died; and the third part of the ships were destroyed.
10 And the third angel sounded, and there fell a great star from heaven, burning as it were a lamp, and it fell upon the third part of the rivers, and upon the fountains of waters;
11 And the name of the star is called Wormwood: and the third part of the waters became wormwood; and many men died of the waters, because they were made bitter.
12 And the fourth angel sounded, and the third part of the sun was smitten, and the third part of the moon, and the third part of the stars; so as the third part of them was darkened, and the day shone not for a third part of it, and the night likewise.
13 And I beheld, and heard an angel flying through the midst of heaven, saying with a loud voice, Woe, woe, woe, to the inhibiters of the earth by reason of the other voices of the trumpet of the three angels, which are yet to sound!
Revelation 9

9 And the fifth angel sounded, and I saw a star fall from heaven unto the earth: and to him was given the key of the bottomless pit.
2 And he opened the bottomless pit; and there arose a smoke out of the pit, as the smoke of a great furnace; and the sun and the air were darkened by reason of the smoke of the pit.
3 And there came out of the smoke locusts upon the earth: and unto them was given power, as the scorpions of the earth have power.
4 And it was commanded them that they should not hurt the grass of the earth, neither any green thing, neither any tree; but only those men which have not the seal of God in their foreheads.
5 And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man.
6 And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them.
7 And the shapes of the locusts were like unto horses prepared unto battle; and on their heads were as it were crowns like gold, and their faces were as the faces of men.
8 And they had hair as the hair of women, and their teeth were as the teeth of lions.
9 And they had breastplates, as it were breastplates of iron; and the sound of their wings was as the sound of chariots of many horses running to battle.
10 And they had tails like unto scorpions, and there were stings in their tails: and their power was to hurt men five months.
11 And they had a king over them, which is the angel of the bottomless pit, whose name in the Hebrew tongue is Abaddon, but in the Greek tongue hath his name Apollyon.
12 One woe is past; and, behold, there come two woes more hereafter.
13 And the sixth angel sounded, and I heard a voice from the four horns of the golden altar which is before God,
14 Saying to the sixth angel which had the trumpet, Loose the four angels which are bound in the great river Euphrates.
15 And the four angels were loosed, which were prepared for an hour, and a day, and a month, and a year, for to slay the third part of men.
16 And the number of the army of the horsemen were two hundred thousand thousand: and I heard the number of them.
17 And thus I saw the horses in the vision, and them that sat on them, having breastplates of fire, and of jacinth, and brimstone: and the heads of the horses were as the heads of lions; and out of their mouths issued fire and smoke and brimstone.
18 By these three was the third part of men killed, by the fire, and by the smoke, and by the brimstone, which issued out of their mouths.
19 For their power is in their mouth, and in their tails: for their tails were like unto serpents, and had heads, and with them they do hurt.
20 And the rest of the men which were not killed by these plagues yet repented not of the works of their hands, that they should not worship devils, and idols of gold, and silver, and brass, and stone, and of wood: which neither can see, nor hear, nor walk:
21 Neither repented they of their murders, nor of their sorceries, nor of their fornication, nor of their thefts.
Revelation
10
And I saw another mighty angel come down from heaven, clothed with a cloud: and a rainbow was upon his head, and his face was as it were the sun, and his feet as pillars of fire:
2 And he had in his hand a little book open: and he set his right foot upon the sea, and his left foot on the earth,
3 And cried with a loud voice, as when a lion roareth: and when he had cried, seven thunders uttered their voices.
4 And when the seven thunders had uttered their voices, I was about to write: and I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me, Seal up those things which the seven thunders uttered, and write them not.
5 And the angel which I saw stand upon the sea and upon the earth lifted up his hand to heaven,
6 And sware by him that liveth for ever and ever, who created heaven, and the things that therein are, and the earth, and the things that therein are, and the sea, and the things which are therein, that there should be time no longer:
7 But in the days of the voice of the seventh angel, when he shall begin to sound, the mystery of God should be finished, as he hath declared to his servants the prophets.
8 And the voice which I heard from heaven spake unto me again, and said, Go and take the little book which is open in the hand of the angel which standeth upon the sea and upon the earth.
9 And I went unto the angel, and said unto him, Give me the little book. And he said unto me, Take it, and eat it up; and it shall make thy belly bitter, but it shall be in thy mouth sweet as honey.
10 And I took the little book out of the angel's hand, and ate it up; and it was in my mouth sweet as honey: and as soon as I had eaten it, my belly was bitter.
11 And he said unto me, Thou must prophesy again before many peoples, and nations, and tongues, and kings.
11
And there was given me a reed like unto a rod: and the angel stood, saying, Rise, and measure the temple of God, and the altar, and them that worship therein.
2 But the court which is without the temple leave out, and measure it not; for it is given unto the Gentiles: and the holy city shall they tread under foot forty and two months.
3 And I will give power unto my two witnesses, and they shall prophesy a thousand two hundred and threescore days, clothed in sackcloth.
4 These are the two olive trees, and the two candlesticks standing before the God of the earth.
5 And if any man will hurt them, fire proceedeth out of their mouth, and devoureth their enemies: and if any man will hurt them, he must in this manner be killed.
6 These have power to shut heaven, that it rain not in the days of their prophecy: and have power over waters to turn them to blood, and to smite the earth with all plagues, as often as they will.
7 And when they shall have finished their testimony, the beast that ascendeth out of the bottomless pit shall make war against them, and shall overcome them, and kill them.
8 And their dead bodies shall lie in the street of the great city, which spiritually is called Sodom and Egypt, where also our Lord was crucified.
9 And they of the people and kindreds and tongues and nations shall see their dead bodies three days and an half, and shall not suffer their dead bodies to be put in graves.
10 And they that dwell upon the earth shall rejoice over them, and make merry, and shall send gifts one to another; because these two prophets tormented them that dwelt on the earth.
11 And after three days and an half the spirit of life from God entered into them, and they stood upon their feet; and great fear fell upon them which saw them.
12 And they heard a great voice from heaven saying unto them, Come up hither. And they ascended up to heaven in a cloud; and their enemies beheld them.
13 And the same hour was there a great earthquake, and the tenth part of the city fell, and in the earthquake were slain of men seven thousand: and the remnant were affrighted, and gave glory to the God of heaven.
14 The second woe is past; and, behold, the third woe cometh quickly.
15 And the seventh angel sounded; and there were great voices in heaven, saying, The kingdoms of this world are become the kingdoms of our Lord, and of his Christ; and he shall reign for ever and ever.
16 And the four and twenty elders, which sat before God on their seats, fell upon their faces, and worshipped God,
17 Saying, We give thee thanks, O Lord God Almighty, which art, and wast, and art to come; because thou hast taken to thee thy great power, and hast reigned.
18 And the nations were angry, and thy wrath is come, and the time of the dead, that they should be judged, and that thou shouldest give reward unto thy servants the prophets, and to the saints, and them that fear thy name, small and great; and shouldest destroy them which destroy the earth.
19 And the temple of God was opened in heaven, and there was seen in his temple the ark of his testament: and there were lightnings, and voices, and thunderings, and an earthquake, and great hail.
12
And there appeared a great wonder in heaven; a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve stars:
2 And she being with child cried, travailing in birth, and pained to be delivered.
3 And there appeared another wonder in heaven; and behold a great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and seven crowns upon his heads.
4 And his tail drew the third part of the stars of heaven, and did cast them to the earth: and the dragon stood before the woman which was ready to be delivered, for to devour her child as soon as it was born.
5 And she brought forth a man child, who was to rule all nations with a rod of iron: and her child was caught up unto God, and to his throne.
6 And the woman fled into the wilderness, where she hath a place prepared of God, that they should feed her there a thousand two hundred and threescore days.
7 And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels,
8 And prevailed not; neither was their place found any more in heaven.
9 And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.
10 And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.
11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.
12 Therefore rejoice, ye heavens, and ye that dwell in them. Woe to the inhabiters of the earth and of the sea! for the devil is come down unto you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time.
13 And when the dragon saw that he was cast unto the earth, he persecuted the woman which brought forth the man child.
14 And to the woman were given two wings of a great eagle, that she might fly into the wilderness, into her place, where she is nourished for a time, and times, and half a time, from the face of the serpent.
15 And the serpent cast out of his mouth water as a flood after the woman, that he might cause her to be carried away of the flood.
16 And the earth helped the woman, and the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed up the flood which the dragon cast out of his mouth.
17 And the dragon was wroth with the woman, and went to make war with the remnant of her seed, which keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ.

Cancer can kill a person internally and damage all the cells within the body. Life itself can be like a cancer if you are not careful... One poisonous cell can abolish all the healthy cells within your body. It will begin to infiltrate your life one by one. People, places and things can become some of the most poisonous attributable... to your overall well being. One day you will be healthy... authentic and true and the next you will become depleted, exhausted and blue. Before the sickness takes over your body you need to do a wellness check on yourself! Become self aware and aware of others before the disease manifests in your body and life. Everyday when you wake up thank yourself and the universe that you are healed from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. When you do this you will stand strong through any storm you face. Once you stop having gratitude and speaking blessings over your life... you lose the very essence of who you are internally... Your soul no longer knows how to interact with your physical being and you become a weak vessel and break at your knees... You become wobbly, shattered and unable to stand. The day your knees break remember you were once a vibrant and loving soul. Bit by bit while you are on your knees praise yourself and all that it took just to be who you are today! While in praise you will be lifted and made stronger than you were in your prior day... Defeat the cancer of your mind, heart, body and soul...do not become what was meant to break you.... become what was meant to build all of who you are internally...  You are love and light.... not darkness and despair.... Your cells are rejuvenated and the poison will no longer manifests itself within your body... You can not heal anyone else's body or life but your own...save yourself or you will lose your battle to the poisonous cancer cells of life... always from my heart to yours.... Reclaim You Today!

   Where dancing with the devil will get you in life is nowhere but hell! The one whom will makes promises and has no intention on keeping them... will shower you with affection, false love and and a reckless lifestyle. You become someone you never even knew.... You fight for love and end up in chaos. Who have you become and who is the imposter? An imposter that made you doubt yourself and become someone you should have never been. You will be told by the devil that you are a washed up whore, you need to kill yourself. The man that said he loved me would tell me to kill myself over and over again...he would text it to me and say it straight to my face... He would say things like you couldn't even kill yourself right and God is telling me to tell you to do it and just kill yourself... you will be told that you are worthless, you will be told that you are damaged goods, he will cheat on you, you will be told you you are evil when you know you are not.... The devil will tell you you deserve the abuse  and you are destined for abuse....and he will tell you that you are a crazy maker, you are unworthy,liar, fake, false, whore,  worthless, he will kill you, he will kill your friends and too many horrible things to repeat. He will tell you your children are messed up because of you. You will be going out somewhere and he knows you are having a good time and he will ruin it because you are having fun. You will be on your way somewhere and he starts a fight to turn on you.... He will punish you like you are a child if you don't agree with him and you don't get to go to dinner, dancing or whatever it may be. The devil will call you an angel one moment then the next tell you you are not worthy of love.  The devil will take an elbow to your throat, throw coffee on you and food, trap you, break things, throw things...the devil will beat you up mentally, emotionally, mentally and spiritually until you began to believe the lies. He is jealous of everyone in your life! He will call you names like a prostitute, he will tell you you need to just lay there and take it , he will accuse you of sleeping with everyone in town and including your friends... while he is out charming everyone in sight... He will accuse you of everything he is doing. He is a master manipulator. He will slam on brakes while driving down the highway, back roads, punch steering wheels and tell you to get out of his car and when you try to get out he apologizes..., you will listen to music and he will accuse you of thinking of of other men or women. If you have conversations with even his family members or strangers he gets jealous. He will take away your self worth. He will dismiss anything kind you do for him, he will accuse you of liking women and everyman in sight. The devil will try to convince you that you are the worst thing to walk this earth and then the next you are the best thing and the angel in his life and that he doesn't deserve you. The devil slivers around seeking people he can and will destroy while you try to help him love himself and encourage him to be the best version of himself. Everyone around him and when you are out he fools and charms but when he gets you alone you are his emotional beating board. He is an abuser and accuser and he hates the beauty that you have inside. The devil crushes you day in and day out.... while you try to love him..... the devil became my abuser and I lost myself as much as he abused me. He was an alcoholic, drug addict that I didn't know his love for his abuse, until years later into the relationship... He hid his  use from me for years....while I helped him become better he helped me to destroy every last sense of worth I had within myself.. I did everything to try to cover up my pain..... still loving him and by his side trying while  wanting my pain to go away but the torment he brought to my heart, mind and soul while i was already dealing with so much... broke me down.... All while trying to love him and help him rise to his fullest potential.Helping him get his professional career going and he told me not to work ..I would pray with him and share the love of Our Lord to try to get him to remember who he could be... but he mocked me and didn't want to get closer to the light; he wanted to take me into his darkness.... I thought he loved me and he was my muse... lover, confidant, my strength and rock... we used to laugh and bring out the best in each other and he was the man of that I made up in my dreams by the way we could just understood each other and had the same visions..., He was my best friend that I shared everything with.... only to find that he came to my life to destroy everything I had built my house upon; which was my Faith and the Faith I tried to give unto others. While I was helping him above the waters; he slowly drowned me in my tears. Dancing with the devil got me nowhere but in utter living hell.... Now i must pay the price for what I allowed and not sure of the cost.... But if you are in an mentally or emotionally abusive relationship. I encourage you to not ever allow someone to make you feel like you were never meant to live and strive to try  live and not die! I had been dealing with so much in my life and he tore me apart and all that man could do was take me to a place of despair when all I wanted and needed was his support... He would tell me we were best friends, he can't live without me, I was his everything; he would claim he loved me more than anything in this world...that I was his person that you wanted to spend the rest of his life with... when it all due respect he was a foe... The devil is a foe not your friend.... He will convince you to stay away from the people who love you and tell you your friends don't love you.... then the next he will tell you everyone loves you. He will tell you all of your friends aren't your friends.... He will accuse you of things that are his own vain imagination....You will be in constant fight or flight mode trying to escape his chaos and anger starts to come up when you try to stand up for yourself... If your friends talk about the old days he accuses you of being a slut or make up things in his mind. You try to stop your friends from saying anything good or bad because you know how you will pay for it later... You become angry in fear that now he has something else to hold against you. You are on high alert because he twists your words to fit his narrative.   He questions everything you say and do over and over again. Anytime, anyone raises their voice to you you will begin to tremble. You aren't allowed to talk to strangers without him filtering your every word. He will constantly bring up your past and the things you shared with him so he can use your pain against you. He likes to trigger you and make you feel hopeless. You self destruct, you wonder what you have done so wrong when all you tried to do was love him and show him how to love himself.... you will make him achieve great things and he will demolish your dreams.... while he gets to go on his journey .... he will kill you on yours....his jealousy will destroy you because he  hates the light you once used to shine...and you will began to be eaten alive; while you helped him achieve his dreams.... he will make yours go into the abyss of no return.... While you helped him become better he helped you become bitter... your peace and happiness will be severed over time. His addictions and paranoia destroyed our foundation and that is what broke our house. I almost lost myself....I don't know where my road will take me  but if I saved one person from the devil's hell my life was worth it....when I leave this earth....  surround me with candles, wildflowers and white roses because purity is all I ever desired and to give and receive a beautiful life full of genuine love...... God bless you all on your journey and struggles.... always from my heart to yours.....much love from me to you!

#useyourvoice2021
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