The moral constructs and fulling giving into what you wish you could be and what you know you have to be; is one of the most diverse aspects of life. The world we live in compromises the moral code of how we are to live in this life. There is so much sinful nature around us each and everyday. How hard it is to function in a life that goes against the moral codes taught to us; it is extremely hard. Majority of people are out to seek what benefits themselves in a selfish manner and genuinely do not care for their neighbors. We live in such a twisted time and is is only getting worse.  It is extremely hard to refrain from not walking a Christian Path that the Holy Bible teaches us that we are to adhere to. You will be misunderstood if you have a genuine heart, mind and soul. The people the try to show up and do the right things are persecuted more so than the ones who do wrong. This world has generated the ideology to be a genuine person you must have something wrong with you. People will pick you apart, tear you down when all you try to do is to get other's to open their eyes. When you call people out on their misaligned judgements and the path they are walking... they think you are trying to say you are better than them; when all you try to do is SAVE them from the bondage. It is such a hard process truly looking into why you are... we are to be help mates in others lives of those who God has chosen for his Glory... not ours... 

In life  you have to trust the process of what unfolds.  When you search and seek those parts of yourself and truly surrender to what was and what will be; you loosen the chains of what has bond you for so long. One must realize the only control you have  over your life is showing up and being the best version of yourself each and everyday. When we get trapped in a life that does not represent our integrity or the things that mean the most to us... we live in an illusionary state of existence.  When you are tired of running against the flow or your existence you have no choice but to falter or to rise up. Much love from my heart to yours...

Today show up for yourself and lean unto you! When you expand beyond yourself you give parts of yourself away. You are the most important person in your life; which is you, Without you... you do not exist; nor the wisdom that you carry within your soul to share your knowledge. If you have forgotten how to take care of yourself... today is the day to do something nice for yourself. I have learned over my life that I was always giving parts of myself away and didn't get anything in return. I am learning that I have to save me for myself! Nobody will ever understand my needs more than me. My dreams are mine and my journey is mine alone; as is all of ours. I have tried to save so many people and those that I tried to save from themselves; did not appreciate or value the presence of my existence in their lives. I would share how I overcame or would give and give; only to have a knife thrown at my chest. I would bleed and bleed until until my blood would dry up.  The more I poured into others'; the more ill I became. I was always serving others but my plate was never being replenished. Today fill your plate with the things you like to taste and pour your glass full of love and light.... much love from my heart to yours....

What is love? Love is when you help people grow. Love is when you help people rise to their full potential and you are a help mate in their life. Love is when you pour in and not take away. Love is when someone tells you their needs and you go above and beyond to try and fulfil those needs to allow that person to feel heard. Love is when you do things you wouldn't ordinally do or are out of your comfort zone, because you want to see that person shine and become the best version of themselves. Love is when you touch a persons soul and they smile from within. Love is when you connect to others for no selfish gain other than peace. Love is when you dance to the melodies of life and see that person through. Love is when you would never intentionally speak words to hurt or act out in rage because you want to control. Love is when you hold a person when they are is despair. Love is when you try to help a person see their worth. Love is when you want to see a person grow into the best version of themselves... Love is the purest of intentions from the heart... Love gives.... love does not take away. Much love from my heart to yours...

..We live in a time that the world has never seen. When love, hope and faith are slowing fading into the abyss. The digital age has made it so much easier for people to disconnect from the reality of what it means to be a human being. We all have senses that are unique in their own ways. We feel, taste, hear, smell and touch. What are we no longer doing? We are no longer connected to people, as we once were. The world has become selfish and disengaged from reality. The reality that we all have a need for someone to understand us, yet people are afraid of being vulnerable and hide behind the shell of the human body. The human body has needs, wants and desires and not just for fleshly reasons. When we get a hug or are touched by someone we love.. or a heartfelt human touch; our body produces chemicals that make us feel better. God made us in a way that many have lost sight of and everyone feels so separate in todays times. We have communication to be able to speak a language for expression, we have the human touch to know we are connected. We smell to see what is healthy and unhealthy, We hear words to encourage or to discourage. We see things to show us what is we value. We are more than energic beings... When all of our senses get evoked it produces the best version of ourselves. When our needs don't get met... we lose sight of our purpose and who we truly are... Connection is what we need to thrive in this life... loneliness and being misunderstood has brought us into the dark and dispersity that we are seeing into todays time. Make it a goal to begin connecting on all levels of your consciousness. Today... keep hugging yourself, keep smelling the roses, keep seeing the beautiful and wonderous things this life has before you, Keep tasting flavors of life and communicate to others and no longer hide behind your shell... We have all these senses for a reason and once they are all touched and in alignment you will become whole....much love from my heart to yours.... 

When you are faced with adverse situations; what can you do? The only thing you can do is get up and move to the changing rhythms. When your life is off beat and off track many things will come and question who you are or which road you shall travel.  The easy road or the hard road? Sure we all wish our lives were easy but at what cost? Through the terrains of rocky paths that is where we are formed and molded into the best versions of ourselves. We get into the rough and windy hills is where we see that is isn't so easy but going up, down and side ways we begin to take the easier path. Through practice and through trial and error is where we find how to get over the mole hill. When a construction site has rocks, hills and Debre... the construction crew needs the right equipment to smooth out where the reconstruction will begin... There is a lot of planning that goes into building a building but you have to clear the land first.. After clearing the land you begin to build and it starts with one corner stone. That one cornerstone was the one cinder it took to make a beautiful building. We all have to start somewhere and today what will you clear away.... I say reclaim you! much love from my heart to yours....

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Oh to us in this world and those by design... follow your passions and leave all else behind...Who you are is defined by your values... you may get lost and trapped by societies standards... If you have no heart or compassion that manifests from your soul; you are living a life dumbed down by others roles...When you walk past another human being and judge them by your sight; those things will manifest in your own life at some point... day or night... When you have lessons or challenges that come upon your days... you overcame; to help others overcome the same...when you battle things in this game of life... some deserved and some not quite right... When things come upon your days to break you down; stand right back up and claim your harmony right now... when you feel defeated and everything seems to go wrong... within those things are where you gain strength... in being strong... you know you and who you are at your core... rise up my friends and hug yourself once more....much love from my heart to yours....

For so many years... I have poured love unto others to help them pursue their dreams; lost to the shallows and the illusions of what was guiding them through their happiness or hellish mischief... Rock, paper, scissors... oh boy... one wins over the next.... and scores... Life is about the choices we make... to not eat or to eat the cake... Get up or sit down... sit out or dance to the song? Take a left or go right? It is all about your sight... Your visions and goals... only you know... they are the whispers that are deep within your soul.. There is the essence to the values of humanity that many people will never incorporate into their  lives. People fail to realize the very experiences that they endure in life are the very things that help one heal or to help others heal on their journey. They become the very essence of their calling but yet deny the importance of those subliminal messages... The mind is a magnificent gift that one has to be willing to delve deep into those inner wounds... Those wounds keep people captive unable to escape their own misconceptions about themselves, humanity and hinders their judgments about the people, places and things they encounter each day.... We all have to be diligent in being accountable for our thoughts and actions. Be willing to always learn that no way is the right way.... only the way that leads you to self discovery.... much love from my heart to yours...

There are many things in our lives that we do not understand; yet we become so engulfed in the ideologies of other beliefs... Our perceptions become limited to the life experiences that we have endured. People will never understand from their own mindsets...because of limitations of misunderstandings...believing in their own truths! Some truths are formed from notions that germinate the mind from beliefs that were taught to them throughout their journey... Our journey is this life is about self discovery... and the understandings of others through the views they see the world. We can't get upset when people do not align with the truths we know... Knowing ourselves is the most fundamental facet one can ever have... When you align with your truths; nobody in this world we ever make you fall from your grace... Your grace, your values and your integrity are the GPS to your life... We; so often try to prove to ourselves that we are more or less by the company that is present within our lives... When we become true to us... we are loyal to love... loyal to our destined space in time... 

​I used to write all the time; there were those moments that a thought would pass through my mind or an inspiration of just one word, one sound, one memory would evoke something in me to where I could come alive through words... and help others to do the same. I have been thinking a lot about why things happen as they do? Why are some of us here on this planet; while others leave so early? What is the impact that we have upon the people in our lives or the impact they have upon our journey? For some reason or another I have undergone many challenges that the average person could not fathom... If I were to write my life story it would just seem like it was fiction...lol Have you ever had stories in your life that just seem like it is straight twilight zone.

​You can find so much peace in the little things that life has to offer... while today there is so much changing in the world; many times it is hard to find balance...between work, home, family, relationships and all the world chaos that is changing at a rapid speed... Our generation is not used to all of the changes that is occurring Nationwide and in the entirety of human existence and it produces so much fear and anxiety for what the future holds for our children and the generations to come.... We all tend to live in our little bubbles; while neglecting what is happening in one another's lives... my hope for all is that the bubbles begin to burst and people can get real and raw about each others struggles....My hope is love begins to pour abundantly unto mankind... today just find a little laughter, a little spark and ignite your hearts with compassion.... much love from my heart to yours.... 

​You can find so much peace in the little things that life has to offer... while today there is so much changing in the world; many times it is hard to find balance...between work, home, family, relationships and all the world chaos that is changing at a rapid speed... Our generation is not used to all of the changes that is occurring Nationwide and in the entirety of human existence and it produces so much fear and anxiety for what the future holds for our children and the generations to come.... We all tend to live in our little bubbles; while neglecting what is happening in one others lives... my hope for all is that the bubbles begin to burst and people can get real and raw about each others struggles....My hope is love begins to pour abundantly unto mankind... today just find a little laughter, a little spark and ignite your hearts with compassion.... much love from my heart to yours.... 

When you release all of the burdens of your past is when you find freedom. The weight is no longer on your shoulders or weighing you down. Throughout life when you carry the burdens of your own pain and carry the burdens of others pain it can take a toll on your physical, mental, spiritual and physical being.  We all go through life looking for answers as to why certain people did the things they did or why our lives have turned out the way they have. One day you wake up and just let it all go and it doesn't matter anymore...You will never get the answers or closure you are looking for; other than just moving on and forgiving those whom have put you in harms way. What matters is today and what you do for the remainder of your days.  We have no control over death, people treating us poorly or broken promises from the people in our lives. Maybe there is just a Divine plan in all of the madness. I always lived my life this way understanding that things unfold the way they do for a reason and I lost sight of that for quite some time. When I started trying to control things that I didn't have control over or rather than relying on my Faith; as I always had...my life turned upside down and I made some crazy decisions that I would have otherwise not have made... if I would have continued to live according to knowing that God always provides and works everything together for his good. The Divine plan is about his plan and not mine! Whomever I am supposed to be with in the life will arrive, where we are to live will arrive; the jobs will arrive, the people, places and things will arrive... I only want what is good and of God; not what is bad and of man who lives according to the world....who is meant for our lives will stay and what isn't will be gone if we live according to the will of God.... If people aren't bringing you closer in your walk of Faith they weren't sent by the all mighty... they were sent from the deceiver that wishes to seek, kill and destroy... that is how you know them by their fruits...  as always... much love from my heart to yours and reclaim you today! 

The hardest lesson you will learn in life is knowing that hearts aren't as pure as yours. The deepest sorrow one can ever feel in the loneliness in a world of over 7.8 billion people. You think you connect with other humans  on a soul level and to find that the selfishness that resides on this planet is like living in a living hell. Many don't have the compacity to truly love! Love was supposed to be the Royal Law and the royal law has been lost. We are to love thy neighbor and most neighbors become mortal enemies. The closest people to us; do the most damage and have no remorse for the damage they have done or caused. It is a sad day knowing the time has come that the hearts of mankind are the desires of selfishness and not selflessness. A man who lays down his life for his brother is one of the greatest loves of all. I laid down my own happiness time and time again to help others upon their journey to be left in the wilderness. I have traveled through the wilderness for forty eight years alone without a genuine soul to love me other than my children. The years have gone by and I have been damaged by the rage of the deceitful souls I have encountered. I once had the biggest heart full of bliss, love and light... no matter what I had been through I was still helping other rise to the top or just get through their days. The greatest treasures I will ever have are the pure hearts of the four children that came from my flesh to emit their beautiful light from their souls unto a dying civilization. I pray the lessons I taught to each one of them never departs from their souls and the pain of this world never devours their lives. I pray for their souls to be reunited the the Holy of Holy and the know they have to fight the good fight, as I have. The greatest lesson for my children is to learn that love is what makes the world dance and to hold onto each other. I pray that my children find who they are evenly joked with and people do not play with their fragile hearts... I pray that my children understand they love I hold for each one of them and I have left them each with a unique imprint of my soul and heart to help them on their journey. My greatest hope is that they find the strength to love themselves fully and to never allow pain to cripple their lives and to work through each things that hardens their heart each day to facilitate growth to master forgiveness and love but to never take the pain of others as a reflection of their worth... I pray that the curse of darkness is filled with light... I pray for humanity in this same way...laughter, honesty, forgiveness, kindness, truth, loyalty, compassion, acceptance and understanding.... to truly love is the only way to inner peace...forever and always my heart to yours

Death is stricken by the last breath one exhales and all through life was just breathing to end up taking the last breath of their destined life path. We all know the day will come when we will never exist on this planet but none of us know how it will end. Suicide is the one that baffles us and leaves those of us behind wondering. Pain is real and 1 out of 5 Americans has thought about suicide at one time or another. What makes some keep fighting and holding onto to life and what makes one finally decide that everyone's lives are truly better without them. To feel responsible for not being a better friend, lover, sister, brother, wife, husband, aunt, uncle. mother, father, grandparent or co worker may just be the reality. Nobody wants to feel like a burden or be a burden unto others. Nobody wants to feel like they aren't worth it and nobody should ever have to feel alone with billions of people on this planet.  I will never understand why there are so many mean people in this world. I will never understand why people try to intentionally hurt others... I will never understand why... Is suicide preventable? Is it the one last word you said to someone the tipping point in their choice to live or to die or do people truly don't want to be a burden any longer? Love can cure a multitude of ills... but death can end that persons pain from the illness of despair....but maybe they were tired of feeling alone and that nobody truly cared...

As fall is approaching and the leaves begin to change; so does the weather. As the weather changes and the seasons of the past are left behind so should the weights of life. We can never go back to what once was; we can only run to what may be.  Life is like a tree... a tree starts as a seed...then the roots begin to develop once it is grounded within the soil.  Once the soil gives nourishment to the veins it carries the nutrients up to the branches; leaves begin to form or beautiful flowers dress up the new life form.  Each year a tree develops new rings according to the years it has been growing... Our bodies are the same and so are our souls. We need to take the wisdom that we have achieved through this game of life  as each year passes and realize that some things need to be shed from our lives. If people, places or things to do facilitate growth for you to bloom you will not grow to your full potential and your life will be uprooted like a tree who has gone through a storm...be true to you and all the things that that allow you to dance freely like the leaves do in the wind... much love from my heart to yours...

The mystery of life is the uncertainties of the things that are never certain. Nothing remains the same as each day passes. The people we once knew, the person you used to be,  the ideas of how we believe things should be and in moment that you finally realize everything works out the way is is meant to. Every time I have a plan for direction something derails and gets my life off of track but maybe it is the track I am supposed to be on. I was getting ready to go away for a couple of weeks to visit a friend and get my thoughts and head clear for the challenges I am getting ready to face. I had to cancel my plans because my son had a mental breakdown. My son is twenty four years old and was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder and Ptsd 4 years ago. He was institutionalized for six years and they had him on over 14 different medications. I was told by a few different therapists they believe my son had been misdiagnosed. If someone becomes institutionalized, they gradually become less able to think and act independently, because of having lived for a long time under the rules of an institution: A friend of mine had picked him up to go stay with him for a few weeks to help him do some things on his property and unfortunately my son was triggered and everything was closing in on him. My son had a severe panic attack and my friend had brought him back home after 3 days. I heard the door open and I jumped up and it was my son shaking and trembling and he told me he couldn't do it and started crying. I held him tightly and just held him and told him we will figure it out. My friend said he is not the same kid he used to know and asked what had happened to the fight in Jacob and his outgoingness. My friend was tearing up because Jacob and him used to be buddies. For the first time it felt like I had someone on my side that understood what I have been dealing with. My son has been hijacked by the system... his mind had been overtaken by the darkness that loomed behind the walls of being institutionalized. Jacob can not handle loud noises, crowds of people or being around certain people, places or things. I have slowly been trying to get him to do things for himself. I thought it was time for Jacob to try and do some things away from me but it was too soon. When people are going through and transitioning they need that little bit of hope, peace and consistency. I have seen the difference in my son over the last few months on his improvements and all I can do and he can do is take it one day at a time. My son said something the other day that I had failed to remember... He reminded me to have faith in what God can do for me... I need to be reminded of what God can do for him... Ask, believe and you shall receive... my son told me last week to stop crying... My son who is breaking in his own life is the only person by my side reminding me not to give up on myself or dreams.... as I am trying to build him to believe in his... the circle of life... and with being loved and feeling love is where we get our shine....

No matter how strong you are or no matter how strong you have been throughout your life... You will hit a breaking point if you are continually being bombarded with tragedy after tragedy! I remember back when I was in third grade and everyone had to make a time table of their lives up to that point... what was my normal was absolutely not normal for the children in my class. I remember standing there with my timeline in front of my entire class and it went something like this.... When I was six weeks old my father went to prison, When I when I was 7 years old my Great Grandmother Mary was murdered... when I was eight years old my mother was murdered and after that I lived from place to place until my guardians took me in that summer... Everyone was looking at me because they didn't understand...I remember the teacher looking at me and tears were coming out of her eyes... I didn't understand that was not a normal childhood....Shit I had been through hell by that age and I didn't even know it was hell... It was NORMAL for me to see violence. It was normal for me to not get sleep. It was normal for me to see my mother get beaten. It was normal to move from home to home....It was normal for us to leave in the middle of the night and go get chocolate long johns and wait for someone to pick Mom and I up... It was normal to see blood splattered. It was normal for my childhood... but it was not normal at all! I vowed for my life to never hurt anyone and to always be there for the hurting... My normal of pain was not normal for most... I understood from a young age how to survive and become resilient... I skipped through life saying no matter what happens to you; you can and will overcome... I was everyone's biggest cheerleader and had never really had  people to cheer me on. I would sit in silence and couldn't express the things that I was feeling because of the shame I would feel for even expressing any of my emotions. I went from the physical abuse to the changing of mental abuse in the home of my guardians. If I ever mentioned my mother I was told I was feeling sorry for myself and to quit crying over her because crying over her or looking at her pictures wouldn't bring her back ... It took me many years to open my heart to people or be able to express what I was feeling inside.  My life was very heavy for people to understand... that was only the beginning of my existence and not was has transpired over the rest of the 48 years....  Seems like more things kept coming in every direction of my life from the time I was born until this day... I never experienced bitterness or anger until the last few years.... dealing with my fathers death, my sons addictions, my son in and out of the courts, him totaling my vehicle and him in mental institutions threating to kill himself,  My little brother being shot and becoming paralyzed,,, My little brother begging me to take care of his 1 year old daughter and to raise her. At this time I did not have a home of my own and my ex boyfriend had moved to another state knowing what was going on in my life. A man from my past someone that I had known for over 25years had begun reaching out to me and he knew of my situation with my brother and the baby. He knew Dfs was involved with the child and he had a home and asked to me marry him... I agreed and had thought this man had changed and he was not whom he was to me in the past... I hadn't seen him in a couple of years. We married and I had to show DFS that I could take care of the child.  Needless to say he was an alcoholic and I ended up in a domestic abuse shelter for a few months because he tried to strangle me in the middle of the night when he awoke. I was divorced within a few months. My nieces mother is an addict and her grandmother was in remission from cancer so they couldn't take care of her full time... They slowly allowed me to transition her into their home while I could get my life back on track. A friend of mine found out I was in a domestic abuse shelter and opened up his home to me.... While I was going through things my ex boyfriend contacted me and I thought a happy ending was coming... he told me he was coming back for me to help me and make things right.... He didn't  come back for me because he loved me... He came back for me for vengeance because I had married another man. His enemy according to him... He pretended that he was there for me while he constantly berated me and telling me I was a whore and a traitor for marrying another man. He would mentally tear me apart not understanding I was trying to prevent my niece from having a life like mine.... We will fast forward a couple months... two of my dearest girlfriends had died within a few months of each other,  My little brother was found dead in his car December 31, 2020, 5 1/2 months later my older brother had hung himself, a month later my daughter ended up in the hospital and she tried to take her own life... I ended up in the hospital after my  boyfriend told me to take my life time and time again. It was strange when we would get into an argument  he would constantly scream at me telling me to kill myself... Ironically someone in my family would attempt it or did within a few days! The energy that he was placing upon me... the heartaches that I was feeling was somehow transmitting energetically to the people I loved the most. He was always screaming, hollering and mentally abusing me for marrying the man I did... He would scream at me telling me that I deserved the abuse that my ex husband gave to me and the abuse he was giving to me... It was insane... I was constantly trying to prove my love to him... and for him and didn't get anything in return... I was constantly on fight or flight...I will never understand... I was constantly trying to prove my loyalty and for him to understand why I had made the decisions I had for my little brother and his daughter... I was in a fog trying to save everyone while I was dying inside. When I was going through everything that I was he wasn't supporting me... He was breaking me and I didn't realize that he  truly never loved me or cared for my well being...  I was having chest pains after fighting with my boyfriend and I had a breakdown and was in the hospital.... A few days later I had found out for certain he had been cheating on me; I found out later he canceled my car insurance on me while I was in the hospital which I had the same car insurance for over 15 years and the same cell phone carrier... which he had talked me into getting onto both of his plans for a month and a half prior... even when I married for that short period of time I did not allow anything to be changed that was in my name... The one person I trusted with my heart, mind and soul... did not come back for me... He came back to destroy me... Everything that I was going through... He didn't care... he didn't understand the pain I was in or he did and he just wanted to ruin me... He knew my life story and would pretend to care when he never truly cared at all... that was My breaking point after breaking from losing so much in my life... When nothing makes sense in your life... you lose your sense of self..... It took me years to trust someone to realize people are not who they say they are.. people are who they show you they are....he changed me...and broke my heart more than anything in my life...How can someone pretend so well to be your everything, you confide everything in them and all along they were using your purity to break you down? I will never understand the harshness of this world... I will never understand why others try to inflict pain unto others.... when  all I have tried to do is try to help build him into becoming a better man... Every person in my life that is close to me knows the struggles I have had to overcome and how I have tried to help others move through their struggles and help them while I was going through my  own sorrows. I have tried to help others upon their journey only to end up where I am.... I guess that was all in the Devils plan... I have realized that the closest people to you in your life are not whom they claim to be; Any person that does not truly have you best interest at heart, has no purpose in your life. It will take me a long time to ever trust any person in my life. I never wanted to be a hard or cold person but it is easier for me to trust a stranger than it is to trust someone that says they love me.... I will continue to do my Alms... I will continue to  help others... as God has instructed me to do... but I will not give people chance after chance to break me again... Life lesson: when your foundation gets broke down to the original stone take all those broken blocks and build them stronger with your own hands! In life rely on nobody but yourself! Never get caught up in the emotions... because your emotions are feelings... they aren't reality. much lover from my heart to yours....

When you hold yourself accountable for your actions is when you finally understand yourself. When you fully surrender to knowing that the choices you have made in your life are the  choices you have to contend to all on your own. It doesn't matter about all of the right choices you have made or all the good you have been or have done through out your existence. When you make one wrong decision it will affect the outcome of your life, your dreams and your journey. You have choices whether to entertain certain  people in your life or situations. One wrong choice can ruin your life! People don't hear to understand... People hear to make judgments... Majority of people hold their sense of moral by the wrongs you have done or do within your life... Those are the kind of people that never hold themselves accountable for the wrongs they have done unto your or unto others.  He who understands what you deal with on a daily basis are the only ones who know your story...  Never be ashamed of your story.  Many will judge you and the judicial system of our society is very harsh! Whether it be the court system set up by our government or the judicial system set up by societal measures. People will gossip and talk about you and judgement will come upon you like the wrath of God by mere smear campaigns. Our Society can make you feel as though you are less but in your heart you know you are more than what people say, think or know about you. Nobody knows your Alms... nobody knows your heart, mind or soul... or what your intentions are on your daily. Nobody knows the pain you have experienced in this life or the things that have ripped your heart apart. Nobody knows who you truly are on the inside... People judge you by the physical because they don't know who you are in the spiritual. It doesn't matter how close you are to God if you make one wrong decision. He definitely chastises his chosen people... Life is a mystery... Conviction only happens to those who have a convicted heart and condemnation comes from those who judge....