UNcertainties

The mystery of life is the uncertainties of the things that are never certain. Nothing remains the same as each day passes. The people we once knew, the person you used to be,  the ideas of how we believe things should be and in moment that you finally realize everything works out the way is is meant to. Every time I have a plan for direction something derails and gets my life off of track but maybe it is the track I am supposed to be on. I was getting ready to go away for a couple of weeks to visit a friend and get my thoughts and head clear for the challenges I am getting ready to face. I had to cancel my plans because my son had a mental breakdown. My son is twenty four years old and was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder and Ptsd 4 years ago. He was institutionalized for six years and they had him on over 14 different medications. I was told by a few different therapists they believe my son had been misdiagnosed. If someone becomes institutionalized, they gradually become less able to think and act independently, because of having lived for a long time under the rules of an institution: A friend of mine had picked him up to go stay with him for a few weeks to help him do some things on his property and unfortunately my son was triggered and everything was closing in on him. My son had a severe panic attack and my friend had brought him back home after 3 days. I heard the door open and I jumped up and it was my son shaking and trembling and he told me he couldn't do it and started crying. I held him tightly and just held him and told him we will figure it out. My friend said he is not the same kid he used to know and asked what had happened to the fight in Jacob and his outgoingness. My friend was tearing up because Jacob and him used to be buddies. For the first time it felt like I had someone on my side that understood what I have been dealing with. My son has been hijacked by the system... his mind had been overtaken by the darkness that loomed behind the walls of being institutionalized. Jacob can not handle loud noises, crowds of people or being around certain people, places or things. I have slowly been trying to get him to do things for himself. I thought it was time for Jacob to try and do some things away from me but it was too soon. When people are going through and transitioning they need that little bit of hope, peace and consistency. I have seen the difference in my son over the last few months on his improvements and all I can do and he can do is take it one day at a time. My son said something the other day that I had failed to remember... He reminded me to have faith in what God can do for me... I need to be reminded of what God can do for him... Ask, believe and you shall receive... my son told me last week to stop crying... My son who is breaking in his own life is the only person by my side reminding me not to give up on myself or dreams.... as I am trying to build him to believe in his... the circle of life... and with being loved and feeling love is where we get our shine....