When Life Exhausts You...

 Moving into the end of the year... looking back and reflecting on the past year has been the most devastating year of my life. When you lose so much and became numb to the life you once knew it changes you drastically. The people I had once known, betrayal from my most trusted allies and the situations I had experienced. The most important people in my life changed me at my core; knowing and some unknowing... Trauma after trauma, trigger after trigger, nightmares, betrayal after betrayal, flashbacks, avoidance of people, places and things.  So much that comes along with so much devastation. I disconnected from everything and every person that has reminded me of pain that they have inflicted upon me. I would try to express what was happening to those closest to me and they seemed to make it worse and truly did want to understand the depths of my despair; and could care less of the pain I was enduring. I became exhausted in life... too exhausted to sleep, to smile, to reach out to friends, family and loved ones or to fight with people. I no longer wanted to hear about anyone's problems, issues or circumstance people were going through. Many people go through minimal issues that could not understand the depths of my heart break but my world was turned upside down. I  had no one by my side.... nobody to help me get up for the day, nobody to remind me to smile, nobody to hug me and nobody to love me and help me put myself back together. Each day.... I went through the motions of self work and trying to bring a little life unto others... Get up everyday go to work still smiling and trying to bring light unto others as I will continue to do while I keep pushing on... until the day I am no longer needed on this planet. I have always been the woman to put people back together and to help others love themselves... when I was broken I had a couple people keep telling me to keep going.  I finally realized that the Happily ever after ending is mine to have and people who are full of deceit and have no shame should bare no burden on my heart... The only love you truly recieve is the love you give to yourself and pour unto humanity... if people are in your life to benefit themselves; what benefit are they to you for your growth? In this years closing know what all it took just to make it through each day... You may have struggled all alone but now your eyes are wide open... Look at you today... you are becoming stronger, wiser and less gullible... and now you see more clearly.... Each day do one kind thing for yourself and another... Move into grace and step away from daily stressors...The only person that will be loyal to you is yourself... Evoke in you the parts that have been sleeping... Pour the love you have poured into others unto yourself...  Always much love from my heart to yours....