What Were You Assigned to do?

 I was asked what my life  has meant to me by daughter and I was asked to write what it has meant to me because I have had so much tragedy come upon my life. Most of the things that have happened to me were out of my control and many of them were in my control.  Life to me has been about pouring love into every person or creature I have ever encountered. Life is about finding you. Life is about expression. Life is about learning. Life is about giving. Life is about being authentic. Life is about being true. Life is about kindness. Life is about love. Life is about going through and finding balance. I do not regret for one moment the people I have helped in this life. The only regrets I have were making choices that made me lose myself. Most of my decisions in life have been based on the needs of others and what they needed from me or what I could do for their lives. My life has always been about laying my life down for my fellow neighbors. If I could go back in time. I would have listened to my soul and put me first. I have learned by being a Mother, a daughter, a partner, a wife, a friend, a girlfriend, a student, an Aunt and a worker I never put me first. I have learned that every person in my life I thought was solid never stays. If I would have chose me... If I would have chose me....I would have been someone other than I am today and lived a little more for myself. I would have full filled my dreams. I would have finished the PHD program. I would have taken the trips, I would have spent my life with my other half and the love of my life.  I would have written my book. I would have been a motivational speaker. I would have danced more. I would have laughed more. I would have written more. I would have traveled more. I would have had my non profit business to help humanity. I would have painted more. I would have built a house from the ground up and so many more things.... I realized that if I would have stayed on purpose; my life would have been different and I would have had that peace. I have learned that this world is filled with people that are full of darkness and not everyone is good. I would have quit sharing the truths of my soul to those who used up my wisdom to betray me. I would have stopped pouring into other's that did not pour into me or value who I have been. I have learned that I gave myself away for others' to find their path while they took me off mine... it left me to know that pure hearts are rare in this world. The greatest thing I have learned in life is nobody stays and one day it all ends. I have learned that people crave your light but try to fill you with untruths. I have realized that people take things that aren't theirs.... I have learned that I had to go through these things to be a testimony to others. I have learned that hearts in this world are not full of light. I have learned that living in this world hurts.... I have learned that I would never want to live this life again. I have learned that I would never intentionally cause harm to another soul. I have learned that I have made mistakes and I have to forgive myself; as I have forgiven others... I have learned that the meaning of life is to fulfill your purpose and to give pure love away; this playground and this planet is not where I want to play. I want to play in the fields of Glory, in the hopes and dreams of pure love, light and truth. I have learned that my assignment has not been easy.... I have learned that this place has never felt like home. I have learned that I would have made better choices and I could have fulfilled my passions. I have learned the only person you can count on in yourself. I have learned that while I have been an example and overcomer that it hurts pushing through. I have learned that living on this planet is hard.... I have learned what I was sent here to do.... My purpose has never been about me but about every person I have ever knew.... much love always from my heart and soul to all of you!